They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
