Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
