It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
