so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
