tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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