She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
