I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
