You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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