I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There r osticjed everywhere
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
