you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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