can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You had me at "let me see your balls"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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