My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Found the puke drawer
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
