u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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