I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
