do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
