I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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