The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
