Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
