My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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