I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
