Even water is tasting like jack daniels
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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