sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
