Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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