I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The adults are the big ones right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
