Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
