He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
