I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
