I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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