It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
