I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
