Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
