I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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