Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
