wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i think i have two assholes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
