sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
