The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will be naked everywhere
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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