Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
