a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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