So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So squirting runs in the family.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
