No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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