:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
