My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
