I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
