We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
