It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
