Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
