bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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