I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
