Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize