I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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