Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
