You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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