i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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