Your dad touched me again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
