He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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