yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
