dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
