Jerry, you need to find god
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
