If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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