Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
