We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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