JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
