there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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