i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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