I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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