Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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