I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
