even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
