Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
